Sometimes it’s hard, this motherhood thing. Sometimes it takes a toll. Not just on your health, your free time, your space, your eating habits, your sleep, your relationships, your looks, your hobbies (do people even use that word anymore?), your home…..but even your marriage.
I have a phenomenal husband. He is not just my best friend but also my breakfast maker, house cleaner, dishwasher, bill payer, handyman, ‘early morning baby feeder’ and all out super dad. I love him. Tremendously. I see everything he does for me and Z and my heart melts and I know (I don’t have to dig very deep for this) that I will never get another man who loves us so much.
And then I fight with him. I pick on him, I am nasty towards him, I snap and I growl. I start to see the tiny flaws in him and I start to argue. I do not like myself when I do this. It makes me feel horrible. And yet, I continue to do it. Our relationship has been wonderful. We make decisions together, we consult each other for almost everything, we laugh together and we always always prefer each others company over anyone else’s. So when did I become into this snappy creature who makes not just him but myself miserable too?
Is it that darn Post Partum Blues thing? Is it the lack of sleep? the fact that my whole life has changed and can never ever go back to what it was? ever? Or have I just become a horrible person? Strange that I have this incredible amount of patience with my lil boy and yet snap at the one person who I know I can depend on and who has my back. I forget his life has changed too.
I need to remind myself of what is important. I need to let go of the small stuff. I need to love my husband more and I need to show him that I do appreciate every single thing he does. He is amazing. I need to get my old self back.