0

Scream

Z is just about 16 months. Far far away from the terrible two’s. But he doesn’t want to wait. he has started his slide into tantrums and drama’s. Sigh. He is still irresistibly adorable (little less when he’s throwing and flinging stuff around), still loves his ta ta tas (banana’s) and still completely kissable.

Very reluctantly I pulled out my toddler books today. No, I haven’t had time to read any of them yet but I’ve taken them out. I need them I think. Esp since last nights episode of flinging the phone. Three times. Twice, after being reprimanded. *sigh*

Its been just over a month since my last pump. I DO NOT miss it. But I still get milk. ha! And I feel a bit weird about storing away my beloved pump. Still.

Thought Id have more time after I stop pumping. And I do. But I don’t. I have more time but its spent climbing stairs (yes we moved into a larger house with one more level – just for fun to stress my knees out) and its spent tending to the garden (i love that but its hot and hard work) and most of it is spent chasing Z around.

The husband does not believe in childproofing the home. He believes I have twenty pairs of hands and double that number of eyes in my head. So he relies on me to watch Z. Which leaves me exhausted. Stairs, split level living rooms, gardens, kitchens, crockery stored in sideboards, fans, glass vases, high sofas..everything is a hazard and a nightmare. I only relax when Im in bed, and even then, not completely.

Not complaining. Just releasing the pent up stress.

Someday I will figure it all out and be able to unwind. Soon I hope.

0

Eight Months

Eight months. Eight Months! Eight Months!! really?? where has the time gone lil Z? You are now crawling – backwards more than forwards and frogging it more than actually crawling but you’re moving! Your diet has gone from 100% Breast milk to avocados, pears, apples, bananas, salmon, chicken, broccoli, carrots, spinach, rice, sweet potatoes, plums, whew! I can barely keep up! 

You are still (thankfully) on only breast milk and I hope and pray i can keep it that way for as long as possible.

You smile so much now. And you giggle when we tell you stories, jabber away with your toys, you straight out belly laugh when we kiss your tummy and you are not afraid to voice your opinions on the weather.

Always happy to see us, happy to go out, happy to take a pram ride, happy to sit in your Tula, happy to eat what’s in front of you and happy to get into bed, happy to get a diaper change and happy to talk with your friends (Mousie, Octo, Capo, Cato, Snoopa, Sophie and Lil Bee)

I am completely in love with you. I cannot stop kissing your sweet lil face. You are really a blessing, you know that? Don’t grow up so fast sweet baby boy. You make every thing worthwhile. Everything.

 

 

1

Lose Yourself

Sometimes being a Stay at Home Mum is hard.OK, this is not new, people have said it before me and will probably say it after as well. But it bears repeating. 

I read an article today (where else but on Facebook!) and in it, a dad states that he would like his wife to stay home and take care of the kids. At the risk of sounding sexist, he felt that the first few years are crucial in a childs development and a mother is best equipped to deal with that. A woman called Agnes Martinez writes an answer to this question and thats the article I read. You can read it here.

It was interesting. Being a mother to a seven month old, I am still at the stage where I am ‘needed’ by my child and I will probably stay in this stage for a few more years. But I completely get what she’s saying when she writes that “The years have consumed me. My oldest is almost 18 and my youngest is almost 15. Neither comes to me for school help because they saw me as just “mommy”. They knew I was educated but never saw me using my knowledge and just assumed my education level was equivalent to a 6th grade child with a learning problem. They come to me for comfort and “mommy problems“.

I don’t want to be in that position. Where my children don’t consider me as a person capable of making real world decisions or perceived as smart/intelligent. Its definitely got me thinking. Had a chat with the husband on this too. Hmmmmmmm….I need to ensure that in the next few years I take steps to ensure I don’t ever regret the decision Ive made to stay home to raise a person. I don’t regret it now. But I want to make sure I am always this confident that my decision was the right one for me.

0

Let It Go.

I’m an exclusive pumper. I think I am the only exclusive pumper that I personally know. I fell into this lifestyle not really thinking about it and just did what I thought would be best and what was working for me and my baby/family at the time. I didn’t even realise such a term existed. Until one day after trying in vain to get a clogged duct out and getting frustrated with the online suggestions to “just nurse the baby to get it out” I stumbled onto the most amazing Facebook group of women ever! Thats when I knew I really wasn’t alone in this.

These women, just like me are struggling with the loneliness and pure exhaustion that is the world of exclusive pumpers. It requires A LOT of support from family. It is  unbelievably difficult to do on your own and yet I am inspired by so many who do just that. Young single mums, mums with unsupportive family members, mums who work and even mums to have lost their own baby but continue to pump to donate. And I am humbled. And grateful. And I pump away – knowing that I got this.

There are jokes shared like this one.HA!

And stuff you make us laugh like this one – Top 2o songs to pump to!

And of course the usual tips and tricks to make it all easier but theres also a tremendous tremendous amount of support given and shared amongst these women. No one is put down for choices they make, but neither are they patronised. It’s amazing because this group of over 2300 members must be made up of all sorts of women and yet there is a common thread of understanding that runs through us all that makes us empathic towards each other. It works. it really does.

I am proud to belong to such an amazing group of women who continue to inspire me every single day. Pumping is hard. Its a lonely task. and these women make it all better. That and chocolate – chocolate always makes things better 🙂

Thought I’d share a link that really moved me and I feel its worth reading – just to think about the other side for a change. The women like us. Cant breastfeed and won’t give formula. The in-betweeners 

http://mom.me/blog/14091-exclusively-pumping-moms-exist-too/

 

0

Seven

And just like that – half a year has passed since you came into our world. Just.like.that.

Seven months since I’ve actually gone shopping for myself.

Seven months since I’ve met up with my girlfriends for Din Tai Fung or coffee

Seven months since I’ve met the husband at work for a lunch date

Seven months since I’ve had a nap in the afternoon

Seven months since I’ve slept earlier than 00:45

Seven months since I’ve woken up later than 7 am (I know there are mum still struggling to get this)

Seven months since I’ve travelled anywhere that didn’t have the option of a nursing room or a place I could pump/express milk

Seven months since I’ve made less than two trips to my favourite place ever – the library

Seven months since I’ve worn regular underwear. Nursing bras simply are not attractive. (Sorry Bravado – you come pretty close but still no cigar)

Seven months since I’ve slept on my side (I miss that!)

Seven months since I’ve crocheted ‘anything’! Or painted. (I miss that too)

Do I regret not doing any of these things? Never. I miss them. But I love you. And you’e given me more than any of these ‘things’ ever ever could.

I look at you and you look right into me. Straight through my heart – I now understand exactly what that means. I love you sweet boy. I cannot imagine how I spent my entire life without you. These seven months have been the most trying, difficult, hard, soul searchingly honest and completely exhilarating months of my life! Thank you baby boy. Cheers to the future!

 

0

Missing

Where does the time fly?

In a day my boy will be seven months old. How did that happen? Here I am planning a trip back home in December and the celebration of his first birthday and it’s slightly overwhelming dealing with the details. But when I step back and think for a moment -it hits me! A whole year has passed since I discovered I was pregnant. A whole year! ( and more actually) And I feel like I haven’t changed at all. Except the life I used to lead.

Some days are hard. Some days I wish I was able to move out more freely. Go to the library or roam the streets like I used to. Some days I wish every purchase I made wasn’t ‘baby related’. Heck – even now I’m desperately hoping I can buy an amazingly gorgeous cow leather ‘DIAPER BAG’! 😦

I guess I could still do these things but never in the same manner as I used to. I do miss the old days. *sigh* Guess it’s just one of those days.

0

Look Ma! No Hands!

When I was in the hospital, after having delivered Z – I knew NOTHING about pumping. In fact in spite of all the reading I did prior to childbirth, I did not prepare AT ALL for pumping. Never thought of buying a pump, never thought of researching the different kinds or even considering if I may need one.

To make my life a bit easier, a good friend had donated her old Medela to me and although I took it gratefully I never really gave it much thought at all. So, coming back to the hospital – there I was, in my room, holding my brand new hours old baby boy and trying to nurse him. And not quite getting it. Along came Nurse no 1. who did a bot of fiddling and got him to latch. Yay! and 30 secs after she left the room, my boy unlatches. So off went the husband for the nurse and along came Nurse No.2, also got him to latch after some positioning adjustments and no sooner had she left that he unlatched AGAIN! This continued for the 4 days that I was in hospital. My ability to get him to have a proper latch was hit and miss. I saw lactation consultants, I was visited my numerous nurses, my breasts were prodded and twisted and grabbed and pressed but I still could not quite get it. But that is another story. Anyway, in the meantime – my milk had come in – in full force! And since he wasn’t taking it all in quite as fast I was told to use the hospital pun and express it out otherwise I could get engorged.

After one brief experience with chilled cabbage leaves, I decided maybe pumping would be better and so the husband kindly obliged and wheeled in a Medela Lactina (I didn’t know it was called that then) and thus began my pumping journey. That was just over six months ago. I still pump today. Still use a Medela and still have trouble latching.

In the early weeks my friend’s medela PISA helped tremendously! I’m not sure if it was a combination of the Lactina for the first five days and the PISA or just sheer luck but thank God my supply never really dipped. It wavered but never fell drastically. As the weeks passed and I realised that pumping was fast becoming a reality I began to read more about it. The various pumps available, the techniques to massage the breasts, the methods to increase supply and avoid clogs – there was so much there!

After my first clog I realised that the internet is not the best place to get information for exclusively pumping mums who face issues with milk production. Every single resource tells you to ‘latch the baby’. Huh? If I could do that I wouldn’t be exclusively pumping! So I joined a Facebook group for mothers like me and found that to be a fantastic resource and support system. And I fell into a comfortable routine. Except that now as my baby grows he’s getting more and more animated. He wants to interact more and is no longer satisfied with just lying back in his cot and staring at the dreamcatcher on the window.  I now needed to have a way of moving with him and yet sticking to my pump schedule.

So I got the Simple Wishes handsfree pumping bra. Used it for the first time this afternoon and my first impression? Super product! I managed to cook while pumping…brilliant! Will probably do a more detailed review once I’ve used it a fair bit but I just had to say it now that I love it so far!

Heres to pumping for as long as I can – its been a great journey so far and I know things will only get better 🙂