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Angel of Mine

Why do babies grow so fast? When Z was born, I can barely remember the first week (except that we were battling his jaundice). The first month was a blur. Pumping continuously and dealing with a brand new baby combined with no sleep and a new house was too much. Then the days dragged. I was constantly tired, always exhausted and missing my pillow so darn much. I struggled (although at the time I barely registered anything except exhaustion) with balancing my pumping times with his feeds, washing up bottles, sterilising, washing up pump parts, feeding, pumping, washing up diapers – it was never ending. I had no much help. Mum was told (by me) not to do anything but play with Z if she felt like. And the husband helped but then he had to go back to work so the entire day was mine to work. It was hard. When we went to Norway at 4 months I was exhausted with the schedule. I just wanted a break (I still do actually)

But then we came back. He was older. At six months he started solids. That gave me a bit extra work to make his food from scratch but it also was fun. (To make things extra fun we cloth diaper, and when he started solids we did baby led weaning and only home cooked food.) He began to interact more, laugh a lot, develop his personality and I began to fall in love. Again. Reminding me; again, how it was all worth it. The next few months simply disappeared in a flash. And here I am at 13+ months smiling and reminiscing. Why do babies grow so fast?

I love you my fierce lil, beautiful gooey eyed, always smiling for Ammi, banana loving, hand waving dancer, sweet baby boy. Stay this way sunshine. you are perfect.

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Blocked.

Now I know (I think) what it feels like to have a blocked duct. It’s horrible!

I don’t know why or how it happened, maybe it was some tight clothing/bra and/or a long gap between pumps but whatever it is, it hurts like hell. My left breast has been a bit of an under performer when it comes to milk production which is why it often gets neglected when its time for a massage before pumping. But today it is so so sore. It hurts to just graze my finger over it (especially a path over the top of it) and I actually cried when I had to massage it. I could’ve stayed under the steaming hot shower for ages just to ease the pain. It hurts so badly. I only hope it goes away without any medication or anything. Every single resource I refer to says I should just directly latch my baby onto the affected breast for it to unblock and the pain to eventually subside but why don’t they have resources with information for women who are exclusively pumping like me?! I pump because my baby doesn’t latch so you telling me I should latch to relieve a problem is pointless isn’t it?

Anyway, its not a good day for me and I hope this too shall pass sooner rather than later.